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What is Your Advice For the Newlyweds?

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Last night, my sister-in-law got married! She looked beautiful, and I know her husband felt the same way. His glowing smile could be felt through the walls of the 90 year old mansion (which was our reception area).

As I write this, my eyelids are drooping shut and my head is bobbing every few seconds (we helped with clean-up and got home super late!). So, I think I’ll leave this one up to my financially wise readers!

My one piece of advice (before I hand it off to you) is this: Always discuss your purchases with your spouse before you buy anything, no matter how small the price tag. Women like to be included and men like to feel respected, so either way, it’s best to ask before rather than deal with the consequences later.

So what about you? What is your advice for my sister-in-law and her new husband? This can be financial or not financial. Let’s let them know how to live a happy married life for many years to come! πŸ™‚

Money

AUTHOR Derek

My name is Derek, and I have my Bachelors Degree in Finance from Grand Valley State University. After graduation, I was not able to find a job that fully utilized my degree, but I still had a passion for Finance! So, I decided to focus my passion in the stock market. I studied Cash Flows, Balance Sheets, and Income Statements, put some money into the market and saw a good return on my investment. As satisfying as this was, I still felt that something was missing. I have a passion for Finance, but I also have a passion for people. If you have a willingness to learn, I will continue to teach.

46 Comments

  1. Talk with each other regularly about things you enjoy, or anything for that matter (except regular bitching & moaning about work, life, whatever).

    Spend time together (doing things you like to do together) … and spend time apart (doing things you like to do alone or with friends).

    Know what your financial & career goals are both as an individual & as a family.

    • It’s great to have something in common, and also, it’s good to make sure that both of you do something other than work….otherwise there’s really nothing to talk about! πŸ™‚

  2. Communication is key! It’s the best way to find out your financial personalities and what may causes conflict regarding finances.

    • You’ve got that right Austin! My wife and I really used to suck in this category because we understand things different, and therefore communicate differently. We;re definitely improving though! πŸ™‚

  3. I agree with you that communication is key. Knowing how each person feels and what they want is a must in developing solutions. Along with that I feel it is important to find solutions that work the best for both of you- finding the most optimal compromise possible so that you can both feel good about what your plan is. This is something my husband and I have really tried hard to work on over the last couple years. We lay all of our feelings and desires on the table and then we work together to find a way to meet as many of them as possible. Using this motto for every decision in your marriage, not just financial, is key to maintaining a close, loving and committed relationship.

    • Compromise: very important, but difficult to do. Get it down pat though, and life sure gets easier! Thanks for the comment Miss T!

  4. Uhm, for the first time I disagree with you! You don’t want to be calling each other on your cell phones to ask if it is ok to buy a box of Girl Scout Cookies from a parent at work. Set an amount like $25 as the “permission amount” and don’t spend more than that in a week. Of course you need to let each other know about all of your purchases. You can do this at your once a month budget conference..which can be fun if you get creative.

    My own advice is a quote that is worth living by:

    A criticism is just a really bad way of making a request…so just make the request. —Diane Sawyer.

    • Hi Brenda! It’s ok to disagree with me, and I see your point! It probably would get pretty old to ask permission for every little thing, but $25 at a time can really add up. Do that 20 times in a month and all of the sudden, $500 has escaped the bank account! I think having “fun money” for each spouse makes it easier. Once the fun money is gone for the month, the spending is over. πŸ™‚

  5. After 51 years of marriage I would say the main thing is communication, talk about anything and everything. When a disagreement arises (and it will) stick to the subject, do not bring other things into the discussion. For my husband and myself, divorce was never an option and we never went to bed angry at each other, we resolved our differences immediately so they would not fester and become bigger. Since finances is one of the bigger problems in marriages, discuss your goals, plans and how to achieve them together.

    • That really is the tough part – sticking with the discussion and not bringing up old wounds or discrepancies! I know my wiefe and I have run into this a few times and it never helps. It only creates more hurt. Thanks for the comment Gap! πŸ™‚

  6. Both sides have to compromise, especially on finances. What is a budget to one person may seem like chains to another, and vice versa.

    • I know when my wife and I first got married, she felt chained to my budget, but after I allowed her to make one herself we really succeeded financially! Great advice!

  7. I would suggest setting goals on how much you want to save together. This way, you can both look at how much you are earning and know how much you can spend. Even if one person is primarily responsible for the finances, this lets both people realize your financial situation. It also establishes a intentional savings mentality.

    • Setting goals together is a great idea! That way there won’t be dissapointment later, plus there will be a sense of unity during the entire life journey. Love it!

  8. I would suggest resisting the temptation to take-on debt. Find your routine with combining your finances and be patient about saving a LARGE deposit for some real estate. Have fun, enjoy life, be happy, without going broke.

    • I love this one Hunter. Debt only seems to divide two individuals in a marriage, especially when there’s a combination of debt and job-loss. Stay out of debt and the marriage just seems to go smoother.

  9. Make savings a priority! Make goals together and create a plan to achieve them.

    • Savings are very important, especially when tough times come your way. With a larger savings, stress stays low and emotions do not rise as fast, resulting in an easier transition with your spouse by your side.

  10. Don’t keep secrets from each other. communication is key. wait at least a few years to have kids. πŸ˜‰

    • Secrets are never good. And, waiting to have kids can be fun – my wife and I have already taken advantage of this no-kid time to pay off our debt, go on a trip across the country, and now we’re purchasing our very first house with a plan to pay it off in less than 5 years.

  11. I would say not to change things. Assume that what each of you was like before marriage, and before kids, is what you will be like afterwards. No fair to be dissatisfied later! Also do the same things after kids as before. If you liked the movies and camping, keep doing it instead of getting trapped at home or believing that kids will cramp your style so much.

    • I would add to that – try to grow yourself as a person and don’t expect change from your spouse. If they do change, bonus, but pushing them to change hardly ever workds. Thanks for the comment!

  12. Always spend less than you make, and bank the rest.

    • Well said. I love the fact that my wife are doing this. Plus, we are making more every day, but living our same middle-class lives! It’s amazing how quickly the savings adds up! πŸ™‚

  13. My advice is to remember you’re a team. Neither one of you can do it alone, no matter what IT is. Consult each other and make decisions together.

    • Great point. Blazing a trail by yourself is way less fun than if you would have done it with your spouse by your side. I do many things with my wife, and we’re always thinking of more ways to experience life together. πŸ™‚

  14. Pay yourself first and have some mad money for things like golf (me) and manicures (her).

    • I need that mad golf money too! And, my wife would typically use hers for clothes. Different stuff, but in the end, we’re both stress-free and happy!

  15. Hi Derek, I like your advice about checking with your spouse before making purchases, but I prefer to keep that to big purchases and take another approach for small purchases, especially if you’re a one income family.

    I learned from my parents (also a one income family) that it can be difficult and demeaning for the non-earner to have to ask permission before spending on every little item. Instead, try to line up the same financial goals, and set a budget and provide a little discretionary money for each person (like $50 or whatever each month if you can afford it). That money doesn’t have to be justified and can be spent however that person sees fit. This sort of thing really helps eliminate resentment and helps put each spouse on even ground. Just my two cents!

    • I love this plan, and my wife and I have done it in the past (we really have to get on this plan again)! Great comment!

  16. One thing i’ve learnt it that two people will usually not share the same beliefs as to what is important (i.e. a need) vs a luxury item (a want).. so keeping the lines of communication clear and open will definitely keep a lot of bickering & arguments at bay!

    • Very true B Kelly! I know I don’t agree with my wife on everything, but if we keep talking through the difference, our views start to come together (almost like a compromise, but unknowingly). πŸ™‚

  17. I’m not married yet, but many couples have advised me to do this with Hannah, “Never go to bed angry at each other. Always resolve issues before the sun sets.” We have practiced that in our dating relationship over the phone and it’s amazing how true that is!

    • It’s a tought practice to implement, but it is quite true! It makes those mornings so much easier! πŸ™‚ Thanks for the comment Jon!

  18. I would say get on the same page and discuss your goals and dreams regularly.

    • Yep, goals can change over time. It’s probably best to keep communication lines open on that. Nice suggestion!

  19. Thanks for the tip Derek, I’m gonna be married in two months so I need as much tips as I can haha, no turning back now! it’s downhill from here! jk

    • Congrats on the upcoming wedding! Take a look at the advice in the comments. There are some good ones there. I think the main message is, “Communication” in every aspect of life.

  20. Really communicating with one another on a regular basis is key to having a good and healthy relationship. Sharing with each other your thoughts on certain things-anything really-is good for building a relationship and understanding each other on a deeper level. Also, giving each other the lowdown on your days will also help in getting each other to understand your current mental and emotional situation. Keep the conversations going.

    • Seems like communication is key! I know it’s tough though!

  21. I have very simple yet effective advice for newlyweds. Take a look at your cash gifts (very common and often large in the NYC area) all those guests that are getting married in 2 years…that isn’t your money you are renting it.

    Put it aside in a diff account.

    • Hahaha! That is really funny! And true! I have spent wayyyy more on weddings that I’ve attended than what we received at ours.

  22. Well, there was this one time that a purchase was made for a vehicle that was not agreed upon and it is still a sore spot. So communicate, then maybe a compromise may be needed as you both have different ideas. In the end an agreement must be made before one makes a “big” purchase.

    • With a big purchase there definitely needs to be communication. My wife and I have had similar experiences are you’re right, it leaves a sore spot. It’s much better to come to an agreement before any decision is made. Thanks for the comment! Hope to hear from you again soon!

  23. I agree with the asking before buying concept… but the fact that this is my sister we are talking about and she buys whatever she wants whenever she wants sets new standards. Hahah. It will be difficult for her to get used to sharing a bank account! But I wish them both the best and my advice to them is this (although I personally have no experience in the married area): BE NICE. πŸ™‚

    • Being nice would definitely help. Best wishes to your sister and your new brother! πŸ™‚


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